Thursday, May 8, 2008

UNDER SIEGE: 4.5 out of 5 stars

Recipe for Under Siege: 1 Segal, 1 Busey, 1/2 Busey Gut, 1 Insane Tommy Lee Jones. You Get Mayhem and Delicious B,
November 11, 2007

Oh Boy! Let Sid the Elf take you back to 1992. If the Academy Awards were structured then like they are now, we would have heard someone like Patrick Swayze (destined for B greatness in Roudhouse, who knew?)say "and the Oscar for best actor goes to...Steven Segal, Under Seige?" Then a raucous applause from the audience. The reason for this, among others, Segal cut off his famous ponytail for this flick! We've seen critical acclaim doled out before due to actors wiling to change their bodies. But this is the Segal ponytail. Was he worried that a Samson effect would happen? Like as soon as he snipped locks he would no longer be able to rip someones throat out, snap necks, or just be an absolute killing machine. Well, once again Segal came through. He proved us all wrong in Under Siege. The power does not come from the hair like everyone thought. It comes from muscle and Segal's world famous B.O.

Now, back to the title. Segal plays a cook. Gary Busey, at the start of his mega gut period(pre-celebrity fit camp), plays the ship's executive officer. When the ship is taken over by a rouge element led by turncoat Busey and Tommy Lee Jones all bets are off. Stinky Segal has to take down this entire crew nearly single-handedly. It wasn't easy. Mr. Chan was part of the band of rouges. Yeah, that Mr. Chan. The one from Death Ring. But Segal had help from the government, namely the national security adviser played by Dennis Lipscumb, better known as Jesup. Yeah, that Jesup. The one from Death Ring.

With all these factors added in, Sid says mix them up, bake them for about 90 mins, and the finished product is one terrific unintentional Comedy. Oh, yeah, you will freaking love it.

Click here for movie trailer:

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