Thursday, May 8, 2008

DEATH WISH II: 3.0 out of 5 stars

If we learn one thing, let it be that nobody ever should provoke someone with the name Charles., February 6, 2008

The list is as long as it is astounding. Bronson, Norris(as Chuck is short for Charles), Manson, Murphy(as Charlie is short for Charles). Sid could go on all day. This is like a public service announcement: If you meet someone named Charles or any variation, you better be as nice as you can.

We see this horrifying parallel again in Death Wish 2. In fact, you know what? Everything about this movie was horrifying. We, Sid the Elf were shocked that this movie was made in 1982. I mean, if I'm the only one I'll shut up. But this movie had a distinctly 70's feel to it. Maybe it was the curly white man fro on the leader of the gang, or the weird colors in Bronson's house, or maybe the music. Let's get that out of the way right now. The music in this movie was...atrocious, deplorable, hilarious; you know, they all actually work. It was like the producer couldn't find anybody to do the music and said to himself, "Well, I did get my 13 year-old nephew that Casio keyboard and synthesizer for Christmas(see? Santa treats everybody right!!!!) he could probably pull it off." Well, no it is not true. This film was just overpowered with weird sounding synth music that exaggerated every scene in the film. The music situation sums up the whole experience of watching this movie, really. If you're looking for quality, probably not your first choice. But, if you're looking for some really great, top-notch B look no further.

While there were so many things that made Death Wish 2 b, the one that stood out the most were all the questions this film brought about in Sid's head. For example, how did this black cloud of people antagonizing Bronson follow him cross-country? Isn't it historically unprecidented that guys would just keep finding women in Bronson's life to assault causing him to lash out on both coasts of U.S. and A, greatest country in the world? Why oh why did Bronson's daughter jump out of the window while running away from the men who had just assaulted her?(although, this did open the door to people getting impaled in movies, so it's a wash really.) Is this how life was back then?(Sid was just a baby elf and does not remember the early 80's well.) Did gangs of hooligans go around looking for ugly Mexican housekeepers to force themselves upon? How did they manage to make 5 of these? This is only the second film in the series, so how long did it take Bronson to realize that maybe he should just do everyone a favor and live in the mountains alone, instead of moving from city to city causing mayhem?(Sounds familiar, right? Sid thinks the Real World producers got their idea from the Death Wish series.) Finally, how in the world did Lawrence Fishburne become a successful actor after this?

So, we've just finished watching a little over an hour of people antagonizing Bronson, and him performing a huge amount of vigilante killings. All that's left is for them to wrap everything up in a nice little bow and everyone will be happ--and it just ends. The closing credits rolled as Sid stared at the screen in astonishment. One of the most perplexing/funny moments in Sid's memory when it comes to film. Words really cannot do it justice. It just added another layer to this already wonderful b.

Another thing that was very b, and frankly brought the film to a higher level was Bronson. There is no way, we mean ZERO chance that Bronson memorized a single line for this film with the exception of "Do you believe in Jesus? You're going to meet him." They absolutely had cue cards for this one. And Bronson always took that one extra split second to read and deliver his lines. This just added so much to the film and Sid could go on forever, but we digress. So, definitely catch Death Wish if you're looking for extreme b some enjoyable action and Bronson at his finest or his worst depending on your point of view.
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