Thursday, May 8, 2008


In Missing in Action II: The Beginning, Chuck Norris ends the POW crisis one snapped neck at a time., January 14, 2008

Missing In Action II: The Beginning. What a prophetic title for this unintentional comedy classic. It was the beginning of many things. It is the trailblazer in explosions occurring behind guys, and having them jump off a springboard to appear as if they're getting blown away. It started the template for every WWF match of the late 80's(it even featured Mr. Fuji as one of the evil henchmen)in the way that Chuck and his co-star Soon-Teck Oh Yeah obviously got together just 5 minutes before the final fight scene to rehearse their slow motion punches and kicks. The film is really a thing of beauty. And as far as we, Sid the Elf know, it was the first film in which a flamethrower was used. Read that again. Yes! Awesome! Major bonus points here.

Sid was nearly moved to tears when the evil Col. Yin placed a bag containing a provoked rat on a bound Chuck's head. The cruelty was alarming. But, a simple rodent going up against the all-knowing, all-powerful Chuck was no competition at all. Sid called it when he said, "Chuck's going to eat the rat and have the tail hanging out of his mouth when they pull the bag off." This is the kind of knowlwdge gained by THE B expert from his vast experience. We knew Chuck was eating the rat. And we wouldn't have it any other way. Well, now that Chuck had nourished his body with the high protein content of Vietnamese rat meat, he was as strong as a POW could ever be.

Still, Chuck was keeping his cool against the provocation of his captors all while never rebuking US and A, greatest country in the world. That is, until he was pushed over the edge. Then evil Col. Yin and his crew of flunkies were like a cobra's prey, ready to be pounced upon and struck at a moment's notice. At this point in the film, Sid found himself saying, "May Chuck Norris drink the blood of every man, woman, and child of Vietnam." And fortunately, Norris is a better man than Sid. He only drank the blood of all of his captors! He rescued his men, sent them away in a stolen drug chopper(don't ask) and stayed behind.

Why, you ask? Then you obviously don't know the Chuck formula. It goes like this: always be loyal, take the bad guys and finish them, and stay behind at a prison camp of which nobody knows the location and noone knows you are there to have a final showdown with the main bad guy, throw away your gun so you can fight him fair even though he has been torturing you and your comrades long enough for you to grow a horrific 70's porn beard, kick the wontons out of him while saying, "This is for (fill in name of fellow inmate). Then, a split second before you press the button to blow his lair to pieces, say, "And this is for me." Huge explosion (just one of the many in the film). And roll closing credits.

If you remember to abandon logic like with all unintentional comedy you should love this film. It is legitimately good. It really doesn't matter that they made a prequel that ignored all the flashbacks from the first movie right? Well, at least Sid thinks it can be made up for with some good old-fashioned American propaganda and a flamethrower.

Chills, right? Your goosebumps' goosebumps have goosebumps don't they? Exactly. Take Sid the Elf's word for it and see Missing in Action II. Oh, yeah you will freaking love it.
Click here for both movie trailers:

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