Sunday, May 18, 2008

THE FINAL SACRIFICE: 5.0 out of 5 stars

The Final Sacrifice is the greatest thing produced by Canada since--um, well, ever. April 30, 2008

It might seem a little strange that we, Sid the Elf, are reviewing The Final Sacrifice. You know, considering that it's not on the MST 3k dvd and all. But, Sid only cares about the B; and he would be doing himself and his fans a great disservice by not informing you about this great MST episode. If you've never heard of The Final Sacrifice, finish reading this review then head over to, where you can watch the movie and eventually read all our reviews and see lots of other cool stuff. Sid defies you to spend less than 30 minutes there. Anyway, on to the review.

The Final Sacrifice is a terrible low-budget Canadian film made in 1990. Its main character is a horribly awkward teenager named Troy MacGregor. He apparently is an orphan, and one day he stumbles upon some of his dad's things. This includes a treasure map-seriously. So, he naturally follows the map in order to figure out some things about his dad. A classic moment happens when he finds a picture of his father and the MST guys say, "Look, Larry Csonka!" This was great because the guy was a dead ringer and because they played off of this joke for the rest of the show. So, Troy is following his treasure map and he suddenly is being chased by a creepy cult. The distinction of these guys was that they all wore black masks and black t-shirts(except the one guy who had a dark gray one; guess they couldn't spring the extra $5). These are the guys who supposedly killed Troy's dad, and now they're after him. They want to make Troy The Final Sacrifice. Now you get the title, right?

Troy finally finds a truck and hides in the bed. The truck belongs to the one and only Zap Rowsdower. "Is he a makeupless clown?" was the response from the guys. Awesome. This guy was either the best actor that has never worked again, or never worked again because he's a horrible actor. He so overdelivered his first line that it has become a staple in Sid the Elf's line playlist recently. For the record, the line is "Name's Rowsdower, Zap Rowsdower." He actually delivered the line like it was cool, like this was going to be his big break or something. Zap Rowsdower? He thought that was going somewhere? Even a porn producer would have said that the name sounds too made up. Anyway, the only way the actor(Bruce J. Mitchell) could be thought of as good was if it's a given that Rowsdower is supposed to be a fat, ridiculous drunk. If this is the case, Bruce deserved an Oscar because he nailed that. The best Rowsdower jokes were "Is there beer on the sun?" when Rowsdower is looking into the sky; and "Yeah! My drinking arm is healed," when his drinking arm got healed.

Rowsdower becomes Troy's ally and helps Troy escape the black tees. They also employ the help of Mike Pipper, who can best be descibed as an old coot. He actually sounds like Yosemite Sam, which the guys take full advantage of at every turn. "Know him? He was delicious!" Troy learns from Pipper that Rowsdower used to be in the cult and possibly killed Troy's father! But he didn't, he was too wasted. And that's pretty much it.

The thing that makes MST so cool is that the movies they have on are completely utterly unwatchable on their own. Then, when you throw in the guys making their quips and observations BAM, instant high comedy. Sid knows he's not alone when he wonders how they ever took this off the air.
Click here for link to movie. This one must be seen to be believed:

No comments: