It's week 3 in the National Football League. Sorry, I'm tapped into my inner Chris Berman. Now, these are quick picks because I have to meet Belicheck and some $10 hookers and I still have to stop home for my branding iron.
Kansas City ay Atlanta
Will anyone outside of the players' family watch this one? It has the makings of an awful game. The Falcons are favored by 5 1/2 at home, and I'm going with them since, you know, they have the only win between these teams this year and their coach isn't scouring careerbuilder on the sidelines.
Cleveland at Baltimore
Strange game here because the Ravens had the week off due to Hurricane Ike. I like the Browns here +2 1/2 to avoid going 0-3. They showed a little fight last week against the Steelers and might have been able to do a little better if not for their coach. Why did Romeo decide to kick that field goal down a TD? It's like he was openly going for the cover.
Oakland at Buffalo
I have to assume Buffalo is for real after their wins over Seattle and Jacksonville. The Raiders would be 0-2 if they didn't play the North Pole High Pink Turkey Basters(K.C. Cheifs) last week. I don't know why I like the Raiders for anything except a top-3 pick next April, but I like Buffalo for the win, and Oakland for the cover +9 1/2.
Tampa Bay at Chicago
This is a tough game to call. I can't stand da Bears, but they look like the Good Bears. You know what I mean, they're running the ball well, playing good defense, and getting special teams TD's like that blocked punt last week. When they're playing like that, the QB just has to play within a TD or so of the opponent and not screw up. That sounds like Kyle Orton's resume. Then they have the Bad Bears when they have no running game (Cedric Benson) and their QB is throwing picks left and right(Rex Grossman). They seem to flip-flop like this year to year. On the flip side, the Bucs are very close to being 2-0 even with Jack Daniels Greise at the helm last week. I like them getting the W in Chitown this week.
Dallas at Green Bay
This is a biggie. The Cowboys in Lambeau on Sunday night. The good news is we get to find out if the Pack is a contender. The bad news? I'm deathly afraid to find out they're not by way of a 38-10 whooping from Tony Homo and Co. Hopefully, the Dallas D is as bad as it was Monday Night and the short week, going on the road, with Aaron Rodgers's confidence high from the last two weeks, the Pack can pull this one out. Right? Come on, it's possible. I'm going with the team closest to the North Pole, the Packers.
New Orleans at Denver
Denver is coming off a huge win against the Chargers, even if it was gift wrapped by the zebras and solidified by Grapefruits Shannahan's decision to go for 2 and the win. The Saints lost a heartbreaker to Washington last week. I think the line is a little too high with the Broncos giving 5 1/2. I'll take the Broncos for the win, the Saints for the cover.
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
This looked like an awesome week 3 showdown for AFC South supremesy until both teams stumbled out of the gate. Neither look like the teams we expected before the season, with the exception of the Colts' 4th quarter last week. I see a close game here with the Jags winning to avoid going 0-3.
Carolina at Minnesota
What have the Vikings done to show that they're worthy of being favored, even at home, against a 2-0 team? Is it the QB switch? Is Gus Ferrote going to make this team that much better than Tavaris Jackson? I'm guessing no. It's Gus Ferrote! Carolina wins this one.
Miami at New England
Ok, so I was wrong with both of these teams last week. The Pats looked ok, and the Phins didn't. Still, a 12 1/2 spread seems way too high for this one. I'm going with the Dolphins. Added bonus to this one is the Joey Porter-Rodney Harrison verbal slapping-match should give the game a little added intensity.
Cincinnati at NY Giants
The Bungles are back! It just doesn't seem right when the Bengals are even decent, thankfully we don't have to deal with that this year. The G-men beat up on a weak Rams team last week, and they'll do the same against an equally terrible opponent this week. Giants -13 1/2
Pittsburgh at Philadelphia
This one is actually quite a rivalry, even though they don't play often. The Eagles looked much more impressive in defeat than the Steelers looked in victory last week. But, the Steelers D matches up really well with the Eagles. Don't expect them to hang 37 on Pittsburgh. I like the Steelers in a close, low-scoring game.
Detroit at San Fransisco
Another Toilet Bowl here. Jon Kitna vs. J.T. O'Sullivan has a distinctly NFL Europe feel to it. I like Frank Gore a lot and the Lions are probably disspirited by their failed comeback against the Pack last week. Did I mention the 3 picks Kitna threw in 6 minutes of that one? Doesn't really evoke a lot of confidence in the Lions.
St. Louis at Seattle
Yet another awful game this week. The Rams are terrible and I'm flying out to Seattle in a few hours to start at WR. The Seahawks still put 30 up last week, so I'm taking them -9 1/2.
Houston at Tennessee
It's a sad day when your starting QB goes down and you have to play your back-up, but you're happy because the back-up just used to have a drinking and racial slur problem instead of being fully insane and talking about suicide. Good times with the Titans. So, naturally i like Tennessee giving 5.
Arizona at Washington
Has Arizona impressed with wins over Miami and San Fran? They might win their division with 9 wins, true. But, Washington had a good win last week against the Saints. I like the Skins in a shootout.
NY Jets at San Diego
The Chargers are favored by 9 in this one because no one can imagine them going 0-3. Will they be fired up or deflated by last week's officiating debacle? Santa's Dreamweaver, Brett Favre, has never lost to the Chargers. I actually think the Chargers come out flat Monday Night and drop this one to Santa's Squad, the Jets.