Tuesday, April 29, 2008

MARKED FOR DEATH: 4.0 out of 5 stars

Only a white greasy pony-tailed ninja warrior can take down a Jamaican drug ring, July 30, 2007

Well everybody, we, Sid The Elf, have finally decided to get into the Segal business. And let us tell you, it's a winner. The action has never been better than when the ponytail is whipping in the wind. In this film, Segal decides to mix it up with some pretty poorly portrayed Jamaicans. They are the neighborhood druglords in Segal's town. But, really, these guys are great. They drop their accents when they feel like it, and they worship a demi-god set of twin brother darkness named Screwface. As for Segal, he really impressed us. He plays the hardass cop who takes it upon himself to bring down the drug ring. His one-liners were top-notch. (e.g."This is my silent partner. A whisper in the ear from this girl goes a long way." This line was about his favorite gun. We rest our case.) And he was kicking in faces like he would later in his illustrious career polish off slices of pizza. We were actually shocked that he looked kind of fit in the movie. He even went jogging with his old war buddy for a half a block.

Now, Marked For Death is an extremely solid B film. It possesses all the qualities you can ask for in B. It absolutely gets the official Sid The Elf Seal of Approval. But, to give you the true essence of this one, we're going to break it down old-school Joe Bob Briggs style:

1 Segal getting hit by car (gets the viewer interested and amused right off the bat)

3 arm-snappings

1 leg-snapping

1 decapitation

4 counts of hilariously fake voodoo

2 people falling from windows

1 back-breaker WWF style!

1 neck snapping

1 sidewalk car chase

8 clotheslines

42 kicks to the face

17 breasts...
and 1 terrific B!

Click here for movie trailer: http://www.videodetective.com/movies/MARKED_FOR_DEATH/trailer/P00003132.htm

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