Maximum Overdrive: 5 out of 5 Stars

Joe Etevez's nephew is an actor?

As Tuesday approaches we can only count the hours until Thursday when we get to indulge in our favorite activities. These activities include some fantastic B, a plethora of food, and a few other things to keep Sid going through the week. Our only obstacle is picking the right unintentional comedy worthy of a 5 star rating and killer reveiw to keep our readers happy. This week we hit the nail on the head with Maximun Overdrive starring B Icon Joe Estevez's nephew Emilio. I guess that blood pumping through the veins of the Estevez family producing nothing but pure B delight. Uncle Joe had to be proud of this effort.

Our film takes place in 1986 when a comet passes over the earth causing all machines into blood thirsty killers. The center of the attack seems to take place at the Dixie Boy truck stop close to Wilmington North Carolina where Emilio plays the an x-con reformed to the finest short order cook the South has ever seen. As he chefs up plate after plate of his town renown big steak omelet one of the fine Dixie Boy waitresses is savagely attcked by an electric knife. While heckled by a couple toothless patrons she tells everyone the knife came to life and attacked her causing everyone to get a laugh. Once they are done poking fun at the bloody waitress Emilio see's a few 19 wheelers cruising around the truck stop parking lot, but non of them appear to have a person behind the wheel. Now is when chuck looks at the scoreboard and says it's choas. The trucks mow down anyone who dares walk out into their path which is quite hilarious. After a few vehicular homicides Emilio decides to walk up to the main truck and negotiate. The truck use moris code to communicate with the bumpkins stating that they want fuel or else they will go ape on everyone and everything. So they give in and pump until they're all out and the trucks flip out. Now Emilio comes up with a master plan and get the whole crew out of the diner, takes down the leader of the trucks, and saves the entire universe from destruction. Not bad for a guy with a 3rd grade education. We just wonder how many more lives could have been saved if brother Charlie Sheen teamed up in this one?

Overall this movie delivered exactly what we were expecting. Can you really ever go wrong him homicidal trucks? The answer is no you can not. The acting was beyond bad, the story was even worse, and about 15 times throughout the movie we asked "is this actually a catagorized as a horror movie?" If you are looking for some fine quality b then this one always goes down smooth. In addition to an awful movie you can some kick ass music throughout from AC/DC, I mean thats a earns star right off the bat.

Click here for movie trailer:
http://www.videodetective.com/movies/MAXIMUM_OVERDRIVE/trailer/P00000448.htm

PUMPKINHEAD 2: 5.0 out of 5 stars

Watch Pumpkinhead battle the fat kid from Charles and Charge, July 23, 2008

We, Sid the Elf, made a great choice for this week's B extravaganza. We decided on a horror B from that golden age for the genre. Pumpkinhead 2 was made in 1994. Remember, this was after Freddy and Jason lost their appeal, before the awful Scream and I Know What You Did Last Summer movies, and before the terrible The Ring ripoffs we're forced to deal with now. This was the era when you had to have a killer or monster, a cop or sheriff, and a group of rowdy teens who are the killer/monster's targets. Bing, bang, boom--instant horror movie. This might sound terrible, but it wasn't. These movies are the bedrock of horror B. Some of them are even incredibly enjoyable, like Pumpkinhead 2. Although, is it possible to not enjoy a movie when it features the fat kid from Charles in Charge, the guy who was obsessed with Donna Martin and took over the CU tv station in 90210, and Bill Clinton's brother? The answer of course is no it is impossible to not enjoy such a movie.

The plot of Pumpkinhead 2 is as simple as it is ridiculous. After being summoned through an evil spell by Punky Bruster(seriously), Pumpkinhead takes over the body of a freak who was killed 30 years prior. The freak was killed by an unfathomably fruity gang called The Red Wings. Perfect. The best part about these guys is that we think they were supposed to come off as tough. And let's just say that they fell short. The son of one of the Red Wings(it's making you chuckle a little every time isn't it?)ended up being Danny, aka the guy from 90210. So now Pumpkinhead is after him and his friends Punky Brewster, the fat kid from Charles in Charge, Booger from He Got Game, and the Sheriff's daughter. How could they have not casted Punky Brewster? She was one of the writers of the film and her outstanding performance in that Saved By the Bell episode put her right over the top. Just a tour-de-force cast. And it included a cameo by Roger Clinton. Yeah, the degenerate coke dealing DUI happy half-brother of President Bill Clinton. That adds a star right there. And how does this guy not have a reality show? It would be immensely entertaining to watch this guy call his agent to check for incoming scripts, call his brother to borrow money, then contemplate swallowing a bottle of pills everyday. Then what about the times when he has to interact with Hillary? See? The possibilities are endless.

So, Sid's theory on the reason for Pumpkinhead's barrage of killings is that everyone kept screaming at him. Yeah, he looked like a dinosaur of some sort, but yelling in his face really couldn't have helped the situation. The best was when that bald hillbilly screamed at Pumpkinhead, and they felt the need to show his ugly face for like 15 seconds. I think everyone watching was thinking "Damn, shut this old hick up." And you couldn't even finish the thought because Pumpkinhead backhanded the guy so freakin hard. The guy went right through a haystack or something. By far, the best moment of the movie. It was absolutely hysterical. It got rewound 3 times, a record bested only by the famous hicks being thrown off the truck scene in Halloween 4. Eventually, the sheriff figures out that the freak is Pumpkinhead because of the markings he leaves after he ices someone. They look like lesbian seagulls, but in red, or blood wings. Get it? Oh, boy! The sheriff actually met the freak when he was a nerdy kid himself, so I guess they had some kind of rapport. This led to the improbable scene in which the sherrif reasons with Pumpkinhead, a 7 1/2 foot creature that looks kind of like a dinosaur. But I'm sure he has wonderful communication skills.

If you're a fan of B horror, Pumpkinhead 2 was made for you. It has everything you could want, well almost. It has no story, terrible acting by d-list(at the height of their fame) actors and awful special effects. This is clearly illustrated when a certain character gets decapitated by Pumpkinhead. It's the worst fake head since Death Ring. Sid absolutely loved this movie. We saw it years back, loved it then and still do. The only thing that could have made it better was if Buddy and Charles joined the fat kid in the cast. You're telling me seeing Scott Baio getting torn apart by Pumpkinhead wouldn't make you happy?

Click here for movie trailer:

http://www.videodetective.com/movies/PUMPKINHEAD_2:_BLOOD_WINGS/trailer/P00044933.htm

B Movie Clip of the Week

This weeks clip comes from the panda bear action legend himself, Steven "Myers" Seagal. This one is called submerged and appears to be a rip off of his own film Under Siege. Only you Steve would make an even more b version of one of your own films. I guess he got sick of looking under the seat of his 83 ford escort for change to afford a meal on Mcdonlds dollar menu and figured, "Under Siege made me enough money to put on 187 extra pounds so why not make another version with much less of a plot and much more myers hair?."

http://www.videodetective.com/titledetails.aspx?publishedid=717983

A few clips just for the fun of it.

This is a wonderful youtube find. Good Lord, that's comedy. Pay special attention to the fat female cop 28 seconds in. She may have been diving in case this loon had a gun, but Sid would like to think she tripped and ate it that hard. You know what, while we're here, let's get a look at a similar clip. Yeah, what the hell. It's the trifecta. Here's a third clip featuring the one, the only Chris Hansen, who Sid loves, by the way. Look for some Hansen clips in the near future. You will freaking love it.

THE BLOB: 3.0 out of 5 stars

Chad McQueen stopped making movies, so Sid was forced to move on to his B father, July 18, 2008

This is an historic occasion in the reviews of us, Sid the Elf. The Blob is the first ever Santa pick. A Santa pick is any film that would get a "aww cool," upon Santa entering the room. Don't be surprised if you see a Santa pick from time to time, but don't expect anything too crazy. Let's just say that Maltise Falcon won't be gracing Sid's reviews anytime soon. This is also historic because The Blob starred a young Steve McQueen, better known as Chad McQueen's father.

The Blob starts off with a completely Pink Pantheresque opening credits sequence, and it's hilarious and hypnotizing at the same time. A tiny meteor lands at the feet of an old man who has a distinctly Iggy Mandlebaum look. This idiot pokes the rock with a stick, and sets the Blob free. Rightfully so, the Blob immediately jumps on Mandlebaum's hand and begins to consume him. While writhing in pain the old man is almost hit by a car driven by Steve(played by Steve). So, McQueen and his steady date get out of the car to see if the old man is ok. It's just before this sequence that we first see McQueen's buddies. One is Jake Ryan's father Jake Ryan. These guys are the biggest queers, but they must have been cool for 1958. So, Mcqueen and Jane bring the old man to the doctor's. This part is great because the doctor doesn't have a clue. Just hillarious. But, even funnier is when the Blob eats the doctor and the nurse after it finishes off the old man.

So, by this time, the Blob is getting big. He gets bigger as he eats more people. So, apparently in 1958 it would have been technologically impossible for the Blob to be an actual Blob or anything better than what we got, but it dragged the movie down. When they show the Blob at this point, it has the same animation as an old school Disney movie. If the same guy is drawing Prince Charming and a supposed man-eating horrifying creature, something isn't adding up. The point here is, if you can tell that the thing is drawn, it makes it decidedly unscary. Killed the whole horror aspect of one of the supposed classic B horror flicks. But it wasn't all bad. The Blob showed it could hang with Sid when it decided to eat a whole diner. Yeah, awesome. But, the awesomeness ended quickly when McQueen discovered that the Blob hates and shrinks away from cold. Yeah yeah me too. So that's how they contain a man-eating terror, a damn fire extinguisher. Goly gee, that was simple. Jeepers, we should have thought of that before. Oh well, let's celebrate over some malts! Does it hurt, baby?

This movie was a drive-in classic. And maybe it shouldn't be expected to hold up over time. It's probably impossible due in large part to the inventions of special effects, sarcastic humor and premarital sex. They actually set off a frickin air raid siren in this movie! That's how dated it is. Naturally, Sid spent 80% of the movie making fun of the goofiness of the characters and especially McQueen. He was 28 here, playing a 17 year old, but he looked like he was 50. Who knew that it's actually Steve McQueen Syndrome and not Luke Perry Syndrome like we all thought? Sid remarked more than once that it's a small miracle that Steve McQueen had a kid as badass as Chad McQueen. Good for him though, at least he was a success at something. But it wasn't making The Blob a sweet B horror.

GHOST STORY: 5.0 out of 5 stars

Any real horror fan can appreciate the old school scares of Ghost Story,

July 22, 2008

Ghost Story was released in 1981, adapted from a novel of the same name. Sid has never read the book, admitedly, but we really can't imagine it being better than this great movie. The film stars Fred Astaire, John Houseman and others. Sid remembered seeing this flick one late night on tv. It scared the everliving out of this young elf then, so we decided to see if it held up today. So, we settled in with a little of the sacrament, and an inordinate ammount of food, sat back and watched a great horror flick. And if you were there, you'd have been like ahh sweet.

Ghost story is centered around a group of guys called the Chowder society. We see them as young men and old men. As young men, they are a fruity barbershop quartet type of group. As old men they aren't much better, the're snooty old fogies. Except for Fred Astaire, you couldn't even make fun of him too much here. This actually works for the story though. You're not supposed to totally like these guys, but you're supposed to kind of like them and that sucks you in. The basis of the Chowder Society is telling ghost stories. In their old age, the members have become unsettled. They are having nightmares, and one of them, Edward, dies. He is wandering around in the snow following the death of his son. He suddenly sees the hideous face of a creature. It looks like a dead woman whose corpse has been rotting for a very long time. Obviously, this scares him. It sends him over a bridge, falling to his death. Ironically, or maybe not, his son fell out of his high-rise window after seeing his girlfriend turn into that same horrible creature. This brings Edward's other son, David into town, wanting membership into the Chowder Society. So, he has to tell a ghost story. He tells one about his brother's girlfriend. Years earlier, he dated the same woman, but dumped her because she was cold to the touch and also because she was ugly. But she did put out a ton. I mean David was getting just a huge ammount of booty. A yooogge...ammount...of booty. Then his brother Don tells him that a woman stopped him on the street years later and thought he was David. David warns him, but his brother doesn't listen, dates this woman and she ultimately kills him then kills their father. Creepy.

Now comes the why of all this. The old guys tell a ghost story of their own. 50 years ago, when they were in school a young woman came to town. Each of the guys wanted to make her a member of their personal chowder society. Giggety! Shockingly, she looked just like the woman who killed David's father and brother. Well, you know, when she was her normal ugly self, not the super ugly creature who caused two men to plunge to their deaths. So, she and Edward, David and Don's father, are all set to make a sexy time. But this yambag's bird is earthbound. What a loser! What a freak! Good. Good. More for you and me. This little scene was hilarious, just trust us. Then, this broad is making fun of Edward for his um, issue. And, to shut her up, he gives her a smack/push and she smashes her head against a stone fireplace. The Chowder Society thinks she's dead. Damn, now they all have to take turns with young Fred Astaire. Anyway, these are all promising young guys. If they admit to killing this girl, game over. So, instead, they stick her in the back of a car and push the car in a lake. Just as the car is being submurged, the girl starts to move. And the last we see of her alive is her screaming for help behind the back window of the car. The guys just stand on shore, stunned. They don't try to save her or get help. They let her die, and now she's back to haunt them all.

David suggests that they go to the girl's old house to end the madness. The ghost's accomplices (don't ask) are there and they bump off one of the old men, and almost kill Fred Astaire. Eventually, Fred Astaire goes to the cops and they pull the car up. He and David confront the ghost/corpse and all is well.

We just glossed over the ending of the film because it was terrible. As we said earlier, Sid saw this flick as a young elf and was terrified. As Sid remembers, the movie ended with the chick looking out the car window, and the car becoming submurged in the lake. Aparently, we blocked out the crappy ending. We really liked this movie. It was entertaining, ubercreepy, you could even go as far as saying it was kind of scary. As we said above, it was an old school horror. There is almost no blood and guts in this flick, and it certainly doesn't have one of the Freddy/Jason/Myers type of killers, but Sid thinks that the creativity and creepiness has a warmth and sensuality that can't be touched. And if it ended with the car dipping into the lake, this is a top 10 all-time horror movie. That awful ending knocked the flick down a peg in our eyes, but not enough to take a star away. This is a 5 star horror flick. Check it out, but turn it off when the chick is underwater.

Click here for movie trailer:

http://www.videodetective.com/movies/GHOST_STORY/trailer/P00000370.htm

Black Dawn: 2 out of 5 stars

Segal revives the Jonathan Cold character, the Michael Myers hair, and the 70's pimp suit all in one movie! , July 16, 2008

Black Dawn was made in 2005. For those of Sid's readers who are not Segal historians, this was right in the middle of his one foot off the cliff stage in his career. Meaning, he was on a self-destructive path that miraculously ended in Segal becoming the king of straight to DVD action rather than killing himself. The movies he did during this period were attrocious at best. He must have realized how horrific he looked on camera at this point because it was here that he started producing as well as staring in these flicks. Thankfully, Segal threw in the towel on looking presentable in his films, gained an extra 50 pounds(for a total gain of 195 since Out for Justice), grew out the Myers hair more, and gave us a classic in Pistol Whipped hopefully with more to come. The tagline for Black Dawn is "It's always darkest before dawn." Sid's theory on this is that it had nothing to do with the movie. No, it must have symbolized a sad night when Segal arrived at his local Wendy's just after it closed. He probably got a Santa-like far away look in his eyes and contimplated life, arriving at the conclusion that he couldn't get his usual 80 nuggets and life just isnt fair. If Sid was forced to come up with a tagline for Black Dawn, it would either be "Steven Segal or the former Duran Duran rodie: Which guy's got it?" or maybe "Don't waste your time." This film was awful, and that's saying something considering Sid's love for Segal. The movie started out well enough. Segal plays Jonathan Cold(awesome name) again. Aparently, this is a character from another Segal masterpiece. It had Segal as a rouge ex-CIA agent like he always is now in his movies. Except, after that it kind of got blurry. Sid remenbers a few former Duran Duran rodies, or maybe they were former Depeche Mode rodies. Either way. And there was an appearance by McGyver's Richard Dean Anderson's brother Richard Dean Anderson. There was also a terrible scene when Segal and the B Nicole Kidman were driving. It looked just like when people drove in movies in the 50's. You know, there was an obvious seperation between the background and the actors. Does this mean that there have been no technological advances in movies in 50 plus years? No, sadly it just means that 90% of the film's budget was wasted on Segal's dressing room Arby's spread, his robes, and massage oils. And believe us, the film suffered. What about the part at the end when Segal was throwing the Depeche Mode rodies' bomb into the water? It looked like plastic. The effects in this movie just could not have been worse. It even got to the point where Sid got tired of making of Segal. Well, except for his awful suit. It was an old-school brown pinstripe 56 long and portly at the same time with a crappy off-white shirt and an even crappier yellow tie. And it looked worse than it sounds. It was designed by the famous Burlington designer Knights of the Round Table. And it was topped off by a pair of Honchos. That was wonderful, the highlight of the movie. Well, you know a movie is terrible when the highlight was Segal's $45 ensamble. It was that rare kind of film that was only 90 minutes long but it seemed to last forever. That's not a good thing. Segal, of course, has since made a major resurgence. But, this film might have been Segal's worst effort. He had only the begining stages of his now famous Myers hair and panda bear face. And he didn't even talk like he was an aging dude from the hood. You still couldn't understand what he was saying, but there wasn't a hint of ghetto slang. Very disappointing. In fact, in keeping the old Sid tradition, let's give this one a new title. Instead of Black Dawn, it's now Brown Pile.

Click here for movie trailer:
http://www.videodetective.com/movies/BLACK_DAWN/trailer/P00944836.htm