Tuesday, July 22, 2008

THE BLOB: 3.0 out of 5 stars

Chad McQueen stopped making movies, so Sid was forced to move on to his B father, July 18, 2008

This is an historic occasion in the reviews of us, Sid the Elf. The Blob is the first ever Santa pick. A Santa pick is any film that would get a "aww cool," upon Santa entering the room. Don't be surprised if you see a Santa pick from time to time, but don't expect anything too crazy. Let's just say that Maltise Falcon won't be gracing Sid's reviews anytime soon. This is also historic because The Blob starred a young Steve McQueen, better known as Chad McQueen's father.

The Blob starts off with a completely Pink Pantheresque opening credits sequence, and it's hilarious and hypnotizing at the same time. A tiny meteor lands at the feet of an old man who has a distinctly Iggy Mandlebaum look. This idiot pokes the rock with a stick, and sets the Blob free. Rightfully so, the Blob immediately jumps on Mandlebaum's hand and begins to consume him. While writhing in pain the old man is almost hit by a car driven by Steve(played by Steve). So, McQueen and his steady date get out of the car to see if the old man is ok. It's just before this sequence that we first see McQueen's buddies. One is Jake Ryan's father Jake Ryan. These guys are the biggest queers, but they must have been cool for 1958. So, Mcqueen and Jane bring the old man to the doctor's. This part is great because the doctor doesn't have a clue. Just hillarious. But, even funnier is when the Blob eats the doctor and the nurse after it finishes off the old man.

So, by this time, the Blob is getting big. He gets bigger as he eats more people. So, apparently in 1958 it would have been technologically impossible for the Blob to be an actual Blob or anything better than what we got, but it dragged the movie down. When they show the Blob at this point, it has the same animation as an old school Disney movie. If the same guy is drawing Prince Charming and a supposed man-eating horrifying creature, something isn't adding up. The point here is, if you can tell that the thing is drawn, it makes it decidedly unscary. Killed the whole horror aspect of one of the supposed classic B horror flicks. But it wasn't all bad. The Blob showed it could hang with Sid when it decided to eat a whole diner. Yeah, awesome. But, the awesomeness ended quickly when McQueen discovered that the Blob hates and shrinks away from cold. Yeah yeah me too. So that's how they contain a man-eating terror, a damn fire extinguisher. Goly gee, that was simple. Jeepers, we should have thought of that before. Oh well, let's celebrate over some malts! Does it hurt, baby?

This movie was a drive-in classic. And maybe it shouldn't be expected to hold up over time. It's probably impossible due in large part to the inventions of special effects, sarcastic humor and premarital sex. They actually set off a frickin air raid siren in this movie! That's how dated it is. Naturally, Sid spent 80% of the movie making fun of the goofiness of the characters and especially McQueen. He was 28 here, playing a 17 year old, but he looked like he was 50. Who knew that it's actually Steve McQueen Syndrome and not Luke Perry Syndrome like we all thought? Sid remarked more than once that it's a small miracle that Steve McQueen had a kid as badass as Chad McQueen. Good for him though, at least he was a success at something. But it wasn't making The Blob a sweet B horror.

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