Tuesday, June 10, 2008

RAMBO III: 3.5 out of 5 stars

Who are you? Your Worst Nightmare,June 10, 2008

On the heels of the extremely enjoyable Rambo(2008) Sid the Elf decided to finally review Rambo III. Also, due to the recent oppressive heat wave that has crashed upon the North Pole, Sid hallucinated and thought he was in an Afghan desert, so Rambo III just felt right. However, while First Blood (Special Edition) and Rambo: First Blood, Part 2 were clearly good enough to receive 5 stars from Sid, Rambo III fell short. Please note that we're talking about the movie here, not the transcendent Rambo III video game on Sega which would receive roughly 38 out of 5 stars. As always, visit Sid the Elf's Movie World for the Rambo III trailer, all our reviews; and some of our favorite pics, sound clips and videos. If you don't crack up at least 10 times on our site, you don't have a soul. Ok, back to the review.

This time, Rambo is somewhere in Asia living in a Buddhist monetary--now this is true. And, the first appearence in the film by John J. is at a seedy Asian fight club. He is stick-fighting some guy who looks like he just missed the cut to be in The Samoans. Anyway, Rambo is eventually approached by his old mentor, played by Richard Crenna. He needs Rambo to help him out with a mission in Afghanistan against the Russians. Rambo declines and Crenna predictably gets captured during the mission. So, word gets back to Rambo and he decides to...yep, infiltrate the camp where Crenna is a prisoner and bust him out. Rambo gets some help along the way from Bilo and Bilo's son. They give him some stellar backup, ammo and teach him a new sport. Apparently, in Afghanistan, the sport of choice isn't anything remotely cool. No, it's mounting a horse and carrying a gym bag covered in faux fur across a sort of goal line. "Like football," Rambo says. Um, yeah Rambo, kinda. This is one of the funniest and best scenes in the entire film. Not a good sign.

Now, Rambo makes it to the prison camp. He has to take out roughly 78 guys by himself. But, he has the wonderful old explosive tip arrows, a grenade launcher, and a ton of other awesome weapons. This is great and all, but where were these things being stashed? Did Rambo carry them in his black wife-beater? Were they kept in Bilo's cage? It was just a distracting thought. As in all action movies, the hero has to take out the top bad guy after he takes out the top bad guy's henchman. These were the shining moments in Rambo III, well, except for gym bag-horse football. Rambo takes out the henchman in quite possibly the coolest way in action film history. The henchman has Rambo in a ferocious bear-hug. Rambo wraps some rope around the guy's neck, pulls the pins from the grenades hanging from the guy's jacket, gets out of the bear hug, and kicks the guy down a hole leading to a cave. So, as he's descending into the cave he freakin' blows up! This scene is absolutely awesome. Above all else, if you're on the fence about seeing Rambo III, see it for this scene. If you like action at all, you will love this part. Then there is the little matter of Rambo vs. the head bad guy. He was the warden of the prison camp, the Russian Drumgoole. So, this guy is in a helicopter and Rambo is in a tank. These two are moving towards one another, playing chicken, but neither swerve. Sid would love some feedback on this: When the helicopter and tank crash, is it actually realistic that the guy in the helicopter dies and the guy in the tank walks away merely dazed?

Rambo III was a strange entity. It had no discernible plot, terrible acting, and the tired 80's theme of Evil Russians. But, it was a Rambo movie. So, you're guaranteed Stallone and an inordinate amount of explosions which make it watchable. This was an interesting point in Sly's career. Rambo III was preceded by Rambo II, Rocky IV, Cobra, and Over the Top. Impressive. His next film, after Rambo III, was the legendary Lock Up. Very impressive. But, after that, Tango&Cash, Rocky V, Oscar(which bombed but isn't awful), and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot. Wow. Nobody loves Sly more than Sid, except for maybe Santa, but this is just a laundry list of crap. Not good times for Sly. Did he and Frank try out their famous lounge singing act during this stretch? Anyway, thankfully Sly recovered and got back on track with...um,(scrolling through imdb feverishly)...Rambo(2008) was good! We'll give that one to Sly even if it wasn't him in the movie, just some guy in a Stallone mask.
Click here for movie trailer:

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

As always, great review!! Love you guys!!

To answer your question about the tank and helicopter: I think it is possible, being that the tank is, well, a tank. And the chopper is too exposed, more like a car, with the windows and blades spinning around. So yeah, I believe it. But I live in fantasy land, too. Where it's okay to sue someone for looking at you cross-eyed while taking a shit and if they call you a name, to get upset and sue some dumb-ass!!